How dare you. We met at Pride. I liked you a lot and I “intrigued” you.I thought I could trust you. Two amazing dates. One around the Flat Irons and one around the metro area. A picnic was a very nice touch. Too bad you would never call me again. Or even text. You just stopped calling me after the club. We had a great time and that’s it? You said you were a tease but I can’t believe that’s it! I guess you just wanted a hump and dump! I WANT my hat back. Immediately. It has more memories than you will ever give me.

Don’t even think about a third date,

Ian

We met at a wedding. You said it yourself, this was so cliche : ) But, I felt something I had never felt before … like a magnet inside of me was pulling me toward another human being – you. It just felt natural for me to be playful with you, to tell you my deepest secrets and desires, to just simply be with you. It was a magical experience. Gift number one from you.

And then you broke my heart by not saying “good-bye” or “nice to meet you.” The last day at the campsite you turned your back to me and said nothing to me. After crying my eyes out all the way home and for an entire week, I could not resist not emailing you to tell you what I felt. Unbeknownst to me, I sent it to you on your birthday. Happy birthday to you : ) You admitted you felt something too. However, you were preparing to leave the country to be with your guru. Perfect timing, eh? Back and forth I have gone over contacting you because I wanted more, I wanted answers … I wanted you. And so, I drove seven hours to see you before you left and we both expressed that there was a connection between us. But, what was it? Who knows? Before I left, I shared with you thoughts about my family life that few people know. And you gave me the second gift – your presence. You listened to me, you acknowledged me. Thank you. You helped me to release my story.

While you were away with your guru, I could not stop thinking about you. Seeing or hearing your name, or seeing someone that resembled your appearance made me ache inside. You may never know about this beautiful dream I had of you – you were dressed in all white and surrounded by this glow of light. A true angel. When you returned to the states, we met again. You changed, I changed, you lied to one of your new friends in front of me stating that we had not seen each since the wedding. It’s OK. I forgive you.

And now I hear you are getting married. Congratulations. I know she is as special as you are. This is gift number three from you to me, for now I no longer wonder “what if?” or wonder if seeing or hearing your name is a sign that I should contactyou. One of the things you told me before we parted ways was that if it is meant to be we will be in the same place. I guess I was a year or so too late. However, I realize that those two words are not just about physical place, but mental/spiritual state. You are devoted to a guru and I am not. We are not in the same place. Now I see. … What has startled me is that I have not cried real tears over your engagement. Maybe I was already over you and this helped to make it real. The illusion has ended for me and I thank you. Some moments are meant to be pure and simple with no attachment – two people connect, they feel happy together, and then they separate, right? Impermanence at its best.

This experience and you, Light Bright, have been a part of my path. Thank you. I hope you have found what you were looking for.

Sincerely,

Hummingbird

Even though I know you are happy in your new life, I can’t move on.  You were my first love, and it would seem I am completely unable to love someone else.  I date others, and they never measure up to you.  They are never as funny, and quirky, and charming, and ambitious as you.

I know the breakup was my fault.  I lost my job, I was a mess and you couldn’t stand by and watch me make an even bigger mess of things.  I resented you, and I pushed you away.  I know that now.  You were also so very charming all of the time to everyone.  Every guy and every girl and after a long time of watching this, I couldn’t stand the jealousy that came with it.  I know you never acted on it, but you stopped showing that charm to me.

I blame myself.  I wish things could have been different.  I miss our games we made up.  I miss you teaching me how most sports work, even when I knew.  I miss you getting me socks in the middle of the night because my feet were always cold.

You deserve someone really special.  I am happy if you have found that, but I wonder if I will ever be really happy without you.

I miss your smile,

Lost Without You

When I told you I wasnt in love with you…you called the secret service on me telling me that I was printing off counterfit money off of my 40$ computer printer! You made such an ass of yourself but they still came to question me anyway. Stupid me after a month forgave you..next fight you involved and lied to my kids…I didnt speak to you for a month…then I felt sorry for you because you seem like a lost puppy with its tail between its legs. Now we are…you owe me 20 dollars…and told me in order to get my money back I have to apoligize to your best buddies wife, I never even said anything to her..but you wont let me talk to her..I would never apologize I would tell the truth and thats what your afraid of. It must really suck to have no income,no job, live off of your parents,sleep till 4 oclock in the afternoon and have no life.

I think that maybe if you had an honest bone in your body you might like the reflection looking back at you. I feel so sorry for you..you are one of those people that are going to burn all your bridges, and die a lonely old man..you will never get married..do you ever notice how people start to leave when you sit near them at a party? Do the world a favor and dont reproduce.

When we met, for the second time, you were everything I thought I wanted. We shared the same music taste, same dreams, same hatred for the customers at our minimum-wage paying jobs. You wore cozy plaid flannel and your apartment housed mismatching tea cups with outdated advertisements. To me, you were perfect.

And then we dated, and I discovered that perfect did not exist. I was okay, we were okay, but we were not perfect. Over time, the initial spark began to fizzle out instead of grow, and as usual, I started to feel trapped. After two months, I ended it, and relief swept over me.

On some level, I’m writing to say that I am sorry that your role in my life was not great. I’m sorry that we didn’t work, because in theory we were destined for each other.

But mostly, I’m writing to say thank you. Thank you for showing me that I can be on my own, hold my own hand, write my own lines. For that, I am truly grateful.

Love, This Girl.

P.S. I was right. It all turns out alright in the end.

Ever since I was bitten by the stingray, things have been looking up. I found a very nice, handsome and driven individual. You are that person. You are kind, understanding and wonderful. Your personality gravitates people to you.

Unfortunately, I want you all to myself and this is something I cannot have. Experiencing what life has to offer is a good excuse but I am one experience that you will no longer enjoy. I feel that I met you for a reason and now that I have finished learning everything I can from this situation it is time to move on.

Tackle the world with confidence! You are stronger in person than on paper but that doesn’t mean you should try less on paper. Give it your all! Always. Beneath those soft brown and green eyes is a great person. One who CAN and WILL change the people around him.

I hope that your time spent with me was fun. I know I enjoyed every minute of it. I have learned so much from you. I hope I have taught you something along the way too. I only wish that I could spend more time with you.

Bueno Suerte on your new job! I know you will do great. This is the next chapter in you life. Make it count and don’t forget the people who helped you along the way. Come visit me in Boulder sometime. I would love to hear all your new crazy stories!

From your “Buddy,”

Hunter H.

I don’t really understand how you are the one who cheated on me, but you feel compelled to ruin MY life because I broke up with you?  And some might say I am being over dramatic, but in one month, you have made my life pretty hellish.

1.  You emailed my boss, and told her I was stealing from work, and that you felt compelled to tell her?  I was fired on the spot, and am now entering a legal battle to refute the accusation and get it back.

2.  You told my parents I had an alcohol problem?  That made for a pleasant conversation in which they thought I was in serious denial.

3.  You posted naked pictures of me on facebook.  I am now working with them to get that taken care of.

4. You started a blog about me, and now when anyone searches my name, your blog comes up first, and all of the horrible untruths you have written about me.

So, to this I say:

GET A LIFE.  STOP RUINING MINE.  If I had known you could be like this, I would have broken up with you long before I found out about the cheating.

Sheesh.  Advice for getting my life back would be helpful, from anyone!

I am sorry that you don’t have a family, I really am.  I am sorry your dad is a deadbeat douchebag, and your mom hasn’t been a factor in twenty years.  My family is great, and you spent the last two years making me feel embarrassed and bad about them.  You constantly commented on how nosey they were because they called every day.  I stopped picking up because you made me feel so f-ing bad about it.  My family is great.  We love each other.  We want to talk to each other every day.

I realize now that your griping wasn’t because my family was annoying or overwhelming…but because you are jealous of family that actually loves each other.  And now, not being with you, I am happier than ever being back in the good graces with my family.  My mother cries every time I call her because she missed me so much.  How I let you do this to my family is beyond me.  How I would want to make a family with you is baffling.

So, enjoy your lonely shitty family life.  Enjoy your inability to connect with people on a real and tangible way.  Screw you for making me think my relationship with my family is wrong.  I am Italian.  I love my mother.  I am her little boy and I like that I talk to her every day.  It makes me a good human being, not a overly attached individual.  Attachment is good, as long as it makes you happy, and you, sweetheart, did not make me happy.

Sincerely,

Glad to have my family back

There was something so mysterious about your curly hair.  Mounds of brown curly hair crawling up to the sky.  My frizzy 80s perm was no match for your amazing hair.  I remember staring at it all day, as you sat in front of me throughout 4th grade.  You were the class clown, and the fastest kid in our class.  You were never It when we played tag.  Your short little legs flew across the playground, and it somehow made me swoon.

All I wanted from you was to show you I could be good at something too.  Sure, my hair was frizzy, and I didn’t wear as many slap bracelets as the other girls, but I was good at baseball.  So, on that fateful day at recess, when I asked to play with the boys, you all reluctantly let me play.  And despite your taunting that girls can’t play, I kept my chin up, watching your head full of curls bounce around in the spring air.  And when I went to bat, you pitched against me.  You made motions to your outfielders to run in, and they all giggled at your clever diatribe.  I was so nervous, but I was ready for that pitch, convinced I was going to hit a homerun…and when that pitch came I swung so hard…and drove the ball into your forehead.  I ran for first, while everyone ran to you, crying on the mound.  I ran all around the bases, and no one stopped me.

It was bad enough that you cried so much, but telling the teacher that I was trying to injure you on purpose was really not cool.  They called my parents, and I had to talk to the principal about the whole ordeal.  The next day, you had a giant bump and bruise on your forehead, and all the kids fawned over you and your injury.  Everyone except for me.  Your curls became somehow less attractive that day, and that crush that lasted two long years drifted off to the new boy, who arrived a few weeks later.

Sebastian

–“Seb” for short.

5^th grade.

You were the new kid at school.

Who looked like the lead singer of Oasis.

And was good at soccer.

In the last row of the movie theater, you kissed me.

So wet.

And tongue-y.

You tasted like an Icee.

Our mouths made smacking noises—

like someone eating a banana—

gross.

Which I said outloud.

Remember that day when you awkwardly asked me how your penis compared to other men’s penises from my past, and how I told you it was a perfect size and sort of hinted that you were well endowed with out actually saying you were.  And then remember how your pranced around for a good month with this knowledge, and continued to make me comment on it when we were in bed because it made you feel better about yourself, after what I am sure was 25 years of doubting your manhood.

Well….I lied.  Big time.  The same kind of lie when you played around with oral sex for hours and I said it felt really good kind of lie.  The same kind of lie when I said your friend was just jealous of you because you are smarter than him.  My fake orgasm kind of lie.  You are not well endowed.  You are not a perfect size.  I have had way bigger and way better, but for the sake of our relationship, I lied.  The type of lie you could have told me instead of saying my chin was too round, or my feet were too long, or any one of the many imperfections I seemed to have according to you.

So.  In an effort to begin telling the truth a bit more….You have a pretty tiny penis.  You are not good in bed.  You are not the master of the clitoris…and in fact, I think you are still confused about its location.  You are not smarter than your friend.  You aren’t even that good looking.

Enjoy your miniscule manhood,

On to bigger and better things…

I was a beautiful size 4 when we met. We courted for several months and I realized I had grown into a size 6. My wedding dress was a size 8. Two years later, i’m pregnant, but manage to get back into a size 8 a few months after the baby. Then you started drinking more and more and wouldn’t come home until 2 or 3 in the morning. Then sometimes, not at all. I was home with our baby and all I could do was cry and eat. I finally kicked you out, but depression fully kicked in and I fed my face to try and fix the hurt. Years later, i’m a struggling single mom who is battling a weight problem.

I know you didn’t put the cake and chips in my hands, but you did nothing to help my self-esteem. I will be thin again. I’ve got a new attitude and one day I hope you look at me and realize you not only lost a wonderful wife, but a damn good looking one at that.

I want the last four years of my life back.  I want all of that time back and I want you to have never been apart of it.  I waited patiently with you for four years, thinking things would get better and we would take the next step – and you ended it with saying, “Yeah, I don’t think I want to get married or anything.  I am not into this whole long term relationship.”  Really?  Because just six months ago you were asking my friends about engagement rings.  Just six months ago you were asking my dad for permission to marry me.  Just six months ago you said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.  And then a month later…ALL of that changed?  Is that even possible?

And so you packed up and left.  You broke up with me over the phone while I was away on business, because you are a coward and a jerk, and you left me to fly home from my conference to find that you had moved out.  I don’t get it.  How?  What happened?  I put everything into this relationship.  I even pretended like I was having great sex for four years, when in fact, I was miserable for 80% of it.  I supported you through grad school and even wrote some of your damn papers!  I bought all of the food you consumed for the last three years and made you lunch every day before you went to work.  I ironed your god damn ties!  Your Ties!   I saved money for two years so we could buy a place that we could live in together, and now I am stuck with these mortgage payments and you are no where to be seen.  Thank god your credit sucked and it is only in my name…but I can’t afford it without you.  So now I have to live with my crazy sister, and try and sell this place I worked so hard for.  And where are you?  Where are all of those promises and plans we made?  Where did the last four years of my life go?  How could you take them away from me so quickly.

I just don’t get it.  Can someone out there please explain this to me?  How does this happen?

Sincerely,

Wants Her Life Back

We were together for 6 years in which the last 2 years were the worst, You put me through hell constantly complaining and bitching about everything, you would have thought it was my 3 teenagers that stressed me out but it was you a 45 yr old man who has never been married or had kids. When you were unemployed you sat in our house on MY computer all day not helping out with anything around the house, I came home from work after 9 hours I would still have to cook. When my computer was broke down you wouldnt let any of us use your computer, but when I got a new one you hogged my computer, remember the time that you wouldnt get off the computer so my son could call from jail? Remember how you threw my stuff and broke it and never offered to replace any of it? After I ended things you moved in with another women 4 weeks later…Does she know about your bad temper which made me cry myself to sleep at night? All she knows is what you wanted her to know. When she asks you if you can mow the lawn do you tell her to tell her son to do it? Do you bitch and scream at her because the lawn isnt mowed even though you are unemployed? Do you look through her son’s room to find pot so you can smoke it yourself? Do you call her horrible names and tell her you are going to stab her? Do you try to control everything? Is she allowed to have friends that are men? Does she know about the time you called my cell 35 times in one night even though you knew where I was? does she know how you accused me the whole time of cheating on you? I am willing to bet she knows none of these things and there is so much more she does not know but she will find out on her own. At first I was upset and sad because there are some good qualities about you, When I found out it only took you 4 weeks to move in with someone else, I was really depressed and thought why? Dan does not deserve to be happy I do, over the last 2 months I have learned that another person cannot make me happy that comes from inside my heart something you know nothing about. I hoped that one day we could be friends..It has been about 8 months and I have spoken to you only to find out how great you are doing. I am so happy its not me anymore..I wonder if when you go camping if you are going to dissappear on her for hours only to find out you were getting high, then the pissy attitude that comes after that…

Oh the misery, all I can say is GOD BLESS the new girlfriend!!!

What I don’t understand Edward is why after 6 months of sleeping with me, telling me you want to see more of me and getting jealous of other boys, is how you could just forget me almost overnight. So it was ok for you to call me when you wanted to see me but when i did it i was being too clingy!

You upset me so much when I text you that night saying “who is this?” and when i replied you never called me back. In fact you are a social retard no wonder you had no friends, i don’t even know why i ever liked you, you were a pretentious loser and everything about you is fake. I hated listening to your shit punk music, I hated how you never answered my questions, and I am going to admit that you are crap at painting and I don’t know why you think you will ever be successful as an artist! And all those books in your room that you buy but have never read in some kind of adtempt to make you look cultured or intelligent is lame as you are neither.

So Edward I am writing you this letter to tell you I cannot stand you but i still love you.